I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
