Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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