He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
