i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
