dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I need moral support for this bender
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
