she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
