woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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