i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
