Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
