the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
