"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Your penis caused this!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize