I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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