I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
