I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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