Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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