Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
