honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
