i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
