I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
