Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
