I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
