Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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