i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
