Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
