Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
