Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
