the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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