Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
