I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
