Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
