Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
