dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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