So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
