I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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