Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
