I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
