who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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