New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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