Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize