I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
