and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
