Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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