Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
