fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
