So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
