She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
