I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
