had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize