She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
