i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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