This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize