At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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