just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
