She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I cut my penus on the lid.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize