why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize