Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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