So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize