a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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