True but thats because hes a fetus.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
