found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
