There r osticjed everywhere
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
