She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
