Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
