So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
