from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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