You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize