You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
