just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
