tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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