I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
