I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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