I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
