I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
