I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
